The Uber Challenge - Day One

The Marleys were dead to begin with...no wait...that's The Muppet Christmas Carol. The Uberchallenge doesn't start so morbidly, however, will it end that way? 

To start this we need to come into this from two angles, myself (Duff) drove up to Inverness with my beautiful and magnificent Lauren who would have to navigate her way back to the wilds of Kilwinning from the civilised Highlands. We stayed in a lovely hotel and enjoyed puddings...

...and breakfasts that would be fit for a king.

Meanwhile Ewan and Russel had been haring up Scotland by bicycle at  a rate of 90-100 miles a day before reaching John O' Groats in a feat that pretty much makes the uberchallenge look like nipping to the shop to buy a paper, lets just ignore that fact.

More amazing still is that Russels bike broke under the immense strain of awesomeness upon it. After struggling on, a fellow cyclist drove by and lent Russel her bike to continue the final 40 miles as well as taking Russels before meeting back up at the end. A glorious moment for humanity and faith!

After travelling up to meet at Tongue I was devestated to discover that Ewan thought my evening wear of Jeans and two polo shirts as well as my Crocodile Dundee replica knife, 'Bertha',

 would cause an unneccesary strain on the bike and the great pannier cull of 2012 began. They never made the trip :'(

After that upsetting set back it was time to set off, Lauren on a grueling drive back down south, us on our Uberchallenge.

Things started well, a quiet single track road that ran for about 30-40 miles saw us comfortably start our journey. The weather was nice as we stopped to have a drink and take in our surroundings.

Again we carried on taking in the sometimes incredible scenary while trying to avoid the hungry little bugs that plague the north. We stopped off to point out the beauty that Scotland has to offer...

...as well as take on board the serious environmental impact that deforrestation has on our glorious land.

As well as this we also stopped briefly in Scotlands coldest place Altnaharra where there were a ridiculous number of deer, in this picture I am pointing at some, not sure if you can see them though

Next up was the thriving metropolis of Crask, the town that never sleeps. It is said to have the most happening nightspot in the north of Scotland and we were not to be disappointed.

We popped into the Crask Inn to get some sustenance and refuel for the rest of the task ahead.

In a town, or whatever it is, that boasts two buildings it is unsurprising to see this Inn on the map as there is nothing for 9 miles either side of it. I'm quite sure if a sheep stood still for long enough in this place it would end up on the map too.

We went in and were greeted by a lovely lady who complimented Ewan on his Aardvark cycling top.

We sat down and were served a magnificent mushroom soup with chunky bread.

The food was delicious and was just what we needed, my water that was described as being "a bit peatey", despite its brown colouring went down a storm too.

The bonus addition of two lovely dogs gave the place a wonderful feeling and made a fantastic place to rest and gain the much needed nourishment to continue our challenge.

On we went, and if you think the cable on Ewans bike breaking, restricting him to his first 6 gears would hinder Ewan then you had better think again! It would take a lot more than that to get this champ down and he planned a stop the following day to get them repaired.

Even an attack by a Highland Wood Troll didn't faze the big chap as he stared it down, causing it to retreat back to the safety of its woodland home.

On we continued and after a strong first day we found our way into Lairg where after following a sign that had been turned round the wrong way we eventually got to where we set up camp.

After showering I made my way back to the tent to dry in the baking summer sunshine (I forgot a towel) to discover that Ewan had made himself two new chums.

 Ducks!!! We would eat well that night, I jest of course because far from wanting to eat the creatures my love of animals and curiosity in their behaviour inspired me to create my first wildlife documentary.

When we were ready we headed in to Lairg town centre and hit the chippy, a fish supper for Ewan and a king rib supper for myself. Well earned. At this point I would like to mention the vile children that were running in and out of the chip shop creating an obstacle as well as being loud and obnoxious while their mother looked on, ignoring the behaviour.

After recovering from this dispicable behaviour we went to the only pub in Lairg to watch the Olympics. The locals who wouldn't have looked out of place in Deliverence, The Wicker Man or The Hills Have Eyes amused us with their awful chat about some Olympic women looking like men, it was a very forward thinking conversation. After these insightful views it was time for bed. Let me tell you, camping is not fun or comfortable however Laurens Totoro head rest cover that survived the Jamieson pannier cull acted as a fabulous pillow.

Stay tuned for Day 2 of the Uberchallenge remember you can sponsor us with my charity being The Erskine charity - go here to sponsor http://www.justgiving.com/Gregor-Miller0 or text LLCI81 £5 (or whatever amount) to 70070 and Ewans is for Alzheimer Scotland - go here to sponsor http://www.justgiving.com/ewan-jamieson0 or text JGGO80 £5 (or whatever amount) to 70070

The Final Countdown

 Right so this is it. The final big cycle and the final big test. My last cycle before I embark and Duff's big test just to prove to one and all that he has the power and the strength to conquer his cycling fears.

So we set off for Kilmarnock. It was Duff's idea. I had said we had to do 50 miles. Duff cunningly led me to Kilmarnock. It turned out to be a 33 mile cycle and Duff had to go and get a tattoo in Kilmarnock whilst I had to go somewhere else in Kilmarnock for 2 hours. As far as friends go he's a rubbish one. He certainly seemed to get what he wanted. Although, I suppose he didn't want to do any of those 33 miles. So maybe it was a compromise. A compromise that led to me sitting alone in a pub for 2 hours in Kilmarnock. In that time I discovered I'm still rubbish at crosswords. One highlight was the boys near me trying to name 11 Rangers players and another claiming McCoist would definitely make a playing comeback.

Below You can see me using my excellent 5 Star Map. This has our route through Scotland. We don't know what roads yet but how hard can it be? Duff is supremely confident. Why? I don't know. It will be fun though.

You may remember bold predictions of cycling down hill from John O'Groats to Lands End (JOGLE) were booted into touch long agos as was Lands End to John O'Groats (LEJOG). Laterally John O'Groats to Berwick upon Tweed (JOGBUT) was also given the heave ho.

I'm now cycling Mull of Galloway to John O'Groats (MOGJOG) then cycling back with Duff from Tongue to Berwick upon Tweed (TONGUEBUT) haha. TONGUEBUT. Too funny. Worth doing for the name alone.

5 Star Map

Duff did treat me to a McDonald's. Maybe he isn't completely  useless

As you can see above we stumbled across the Everglade Forest. Bert and Cedric were nowhere to be seen. Probably stopping Cyril in his tracks

Before long we decided to mix things up and go off the cycle track. We took a sign for eglinton park. This got us lost in Bourtreehill for at least 4 miles as we cycled round paths. We eventually found an end to Labyrintreehill but stumbled across a monstrosity of a three laned roundabout where we manfully took the path round.

Teased with the prospect of heading off route

Monstrsity of a roundabout

Dodging the roundabout

As a little bonus I've left you with a picture of my splendid new cycling T. An Aardvark! Amazing! Haha. I couldn't resist. Lisa says I look skinny. That much is obvious. I knew that she was also swooning at my devilish handsomeness.

Byebye uberreaders xx Maybe see you before the trip.

Ewan heroically rescues a sheep

Today I got up and decided I should really cycle, as I hadn't been out in a week and jogbut is getting closer. So off I set. I thought to myself that I would just cycle over to Lisa's in Irvine and back. A 20 miler.

However, on the way, at the back of the Blair Estate in Dalry I saw a sheep on its back writhing around. Now, once in 1999 at Kelburn Country Park in Largs I saw a sheep stuck on its back. Me and my friend Robbie could not stop laughing. Stupid sheep. However, that night at dinner my Mum informed me that that sheep would've probably died. Not so funny!

Anyway, I thought this is it. Redemption. I'll save this sheep. I stopped at the gate and it had been struggling for at least 30 seconds. The other sheep, who could clearly have nudged it over, just didn't seem to care. So I set off on a rescue mission. Best to watch the video

So there we have it the fly sheep was merely itching its back or something. Redemption will have to wait. But I guess it's the thought that counts.

So that's it one video one blog. Or is it? Actually no. If you look below you'll be amazed to see some red belly button fluff. Yes red! I couldn't believe it either. It's a well known fact belly button fluff is always blue.

So long readers and sorry about the misleading title. It was a lot better than Ewan didn't rescue a sheep.

Uber Ewan

Hills and Roadkills

It seems a while since I've written one of these. Mainly thanks to Duff's 7 week sabbatical in the midst of a gruelling training schedule that was meant to prepare us for the cycling holy grail that was Lands End to John O'Groats or lejog as the cycling fanatics refer to it.

Anyway, with lejog put on the back burner we are, as Duff confirmed in the last blog, taking on John O'Groats to Berwick upon Tweed jogbut as we refer to it. Well we don't, but we might, if it catches on.

So with jogbut in our sights Duff said he was free on Sunday. The plan was for both of us to set off at 1300 hours and I'd meet him half way. I left 10 minutes late yet had to phone Duff as I approached Kilwinning (Duff stays in Kilwinning). Duff assured me he was on his way. After a stop and several shots on my future scrabble playing phone I got bored and headed further towards Kilwinning. I stopped again at another turning I thought we could take. We were heading around 10 miles with the intended destination of Stewarton. To cut a long story short Duff eventually arrived

Duff arriving

I had researched the route and had a rough idea but as I had cycled on to meet Duff I gambled on a shortcut but decided it was best not to tell Duff and leave it with me looking confident and assured.

Anyway, Two miles in, things took a turn for the worse. See below

Things turning worse

 Five whole minutes later and things didn't look much better with Duff in the recovery position

5 minutes later

 However, Duff did come back round like Rocky in any Rocky film (I've never seen a Rocky film but I get the gist) and reaped his reward by enjoying some splendid roadkill. 

It was a fox that looked something like the isle of man flag or a swastika. Much to my disbelief Duff tried to pick it up. After my initial shock I was overcome with a bout of laughter and hysteria. It was soggy and putrid on the underside with a stench of old dead soggy fox. Duff said he thought it would have been crispy like a Frisbee and that i was lucky it wasn't cos if it had been it was coming my way. Phew!

Duff's ironically named "Muddy Fox" gloves stank like a skunk with burnt hair.

We moved on (slowly)only to come across this dead shrew in the middle of the road. Dr Dufflittle (actually Dr Do little would be a good name for Duff but for the sake of an average pun it's Dufflittle) decided he needed a better grave and kindly buried him at the side of the road.

Gadz a ming as they say in Ayrshire

With one glove smelling of dead fox and one smelling of dead shrew we plowed on only to get lost pretty bad doing a five mile hilly loop. We should've known taking three lefts was a bad idea. However, we did see a nice house. ironically about 2 years previous I'd been lost in that very spot.

Me trying to get in to a position to get the burn in the picture

A beautiful sign that Duff enjoyed

  There was one high point to these otherwise pointless miles as we saw this incredible superhero style horse. Haha it still makes me laugh. That farmer must have a good sense of humour. Where would he have managed to acquire such a hilarious suit. 

 We eventually made it to Stewarton where we stocked up on food in Sainsbury's and sat on these benches to enjoy it. One highlight was when i was trying to cycle with a baguette in my pocket only for it to fall out going round a roundabout. I could hear Duff's hysteria all to well as the Baguette hit the ground with a thump. The wrapper was still in my pocket.

After this it was freewheeling and laughter all the way home. We both felt good after 22 miles of steep hills. After 2 miles jogbut was off but now it is very much back on. 

Stay tuned till next time as we are hitting the home straight and things are getting so hot the chickens will soon be laying hard boiled eggs. 

So long and adios amigos.

Also, Fiona if you are reading I apologise again for spelling and punctuation..

The Greatest Comeback Since Lazarus

It's been a while and there is some huge news in the world of the Uberchallenge. Following a hectic work schedule and rather smashing trips to London and either Majorca/Mallorca/Menorca (Not sure but it was lovely and sunny), it was decided that due to lack of preparation and the possibility of catching up made near to impossible due to work and Ewans street dance troupe we had a decision to make. As a result we are now going to concentrate on tackling Scotland alone, still an unnerving feat for both myself and the lazy, inactive Ewan.

That said we are both back in the saddle and last week took a glorious trip along the glorious West coast to Ardrossan. Making the most of the incredible sunshine we headed out like a pair of migrating Buffalo chasing the sun's descent across the clear blue sky.

Here you can see the stunning, rolling green hills that we are blessed with in this beautiful country and we pedaled on see more. Cycling beside the shore gave us some great photo opportunities as you can see below, these would not look out of place in next years 'Handsome Cyclists in Saltcoats, Stevenston & Ardrossan Calender'.

On approach to Ardrossan our manly bellies rumbled however our pockets were empty, we were up the proverbial creek until I realised that my woman was working there. We cycled on with hope in our hearts stopping only to take a picture of an interesting seagull on a van.

Unfortunately the feathery little prick had other ideas so I had to stand in.

We entered Laurens workplace and demanded ten of her British pounds so we could exchange this cash for some kind of chipped potato. After accompanying her to the Asda cash machine, dodging Ardrossan locals, or 'Scumbags' as they are more commonly known on the way, we found our way to the Spicy Hut.

Laurens generosity knew no bounds and before long we were in possession of two Cheese Burger and chip meals, the cheese burgers enhanced by a delightful garlic sauce.

 Making our way down to the promenade we settled down to enjoy our meals.

Now when two prime examples of manhood sit down to share a meal in the evening in such a beautiful location there is only one way to do it. The following video captures this fantastically.

After finishing we remembered to bin our rubbish because littering is unacceptable.

After nourishing our minds, bodies and souls we headed back on a fairly uneventful trip, uneventful until we saw a rare moment of peace and beauty on the way home. Just beyond the town of Stevenston the cycle track reaches an embankment, on one side a park, the other an untouched wilderness. It was in that wilderness that we saw evidence of Gods beautiful handiwork. In this most inauspicious of places where Buckfast and stabbings are as commonplace as water and handshakes we saw three deer carefully making there way across the scrub-land. Stopping occasionally to drop their heads and take a mouthful of vegetation we watched in awe as these graceful creatures made their way across this country, much like the Uberchallengers will do in the months ahead.