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Thursday, 16 August 2012

The Uber Challenge - Day 5

I awoke in a cloud of comfort, the bed was a delight and the room was lovely and bright. Had The Uber Challenge proved to tough a test? Had it claimed me as a victim? Was I in Heaven? As my senses returned I rolled over to this sight...


...I hasten to add that this IS a twin room with a big gap between the beds.
After a the shock of seeing that gigantic oaf breakfast was needed, another lovely cooked breakfast and loads of OJ and we were raring to....ready to....ok, we left.

On we went, taking some lovely snaps as we approached Perth 

Using phones and wonderful mappagemanship (that's a word) we got through but were left with a tricky choice. In one direcection we had a busy dual carriageway that spelled certain death or at the very least a skint knee. The other direction was a nice quiet road that would lead us to where we wanted to go but at the expense of an extra 4 miles. It was a tricky one but ultimately Ewan put the choice on my head, his experienced cyclemanship (thats's a word) meant either way was possible for him. I thought long and hard and in the end laziness defeated fear and we burst onto the dual carriageway, flames sprang up in our wake as we hared down the road during a brief quiet spell. 200 hundred yards around the bend we were rewarded for our bravery by a cycle path that lead for a couple of miles, downhill no less.

The joy was shortlived though as there is only one thing that follows a big downhill, a bigger uphill. I will take this time to suggest to cycle path designers to try to avoid mountains in future. The hills were hard, and I mean HARD! I stopped halfway up (and every 20 metres in between) to gasp like an asthmatic bulldog on a hiking trip in the Himalayas. I also devoured a few jelly babies and took this picture.

Some view but I could have just googled it. I carried on and, like clock work, any time I struggled up a hill Ewan was waiting at the top pointing a camera at me and grinning like a chesire pain in the ar*e!

Lunch was needed by now and we stopped at Glenfarg, a town that should have whimsical old men racing down hillsides in bath tubs. The place we went into looked a bit up market for us but we were made to feel welcome. We had seen a sign outside for sandwiches and wasn't long before our fish and chips and steak pie arrived. As we sat there all alone a throwaway comment sent us into a fit of hysterics, we knew it was down to tiredness that we should be so amused at nothing.

We carried on after our lunch and the tired hysterics soon returned as I sang like a Jamaican and then we did Steve Marriot impressions cycling along to The Small Faces. We must have looked like maniacs cycling with tears streaming down our face shouting out "HUH" "HUP" and "YEAHHH" along to the music, after turning a corner the look on the gentlemans face who was out walking his dogs with his young son confirmed my theory.

The hills didn't get much easier but we eventually made it on through Kinross and on to Dunfermline.

Dunfermline for me has burnt it's bridges with it's difficult to follow cycle routes and ridiculous rush hour traffic, I won't be back! Eventually we found our way through and after asking a few folk we made our way to the fourth road bridge.

If you will recall I have already mentioned my healthy respect/heart stopping fear of bridges and heights but I was assured this had a sizeable cycle track, although one direction giver had mentioned how windy it was on there....thanks mouth!

Ewans exasperatingly high spirits continued as he beemed on the bridge. I was not so happy, it was a horrendous experience and I stuck to the centre line on the path like glue. At one point 3 cyclists approached me, 3 abreast, THREE ABREAST!!!! I had to leave my white line of safety untill they passed, I won't tell you what I called them but it was something like "selfish scoundrels". Then out of nowhere big Ewan Attenborough came along with his camera out, as usual I put on my media face and shone for my adoring public.

We made it over just before the bridge burst into flames and collapsed as a giant shark leapt through the air eating cars, trucks and screaming commuters. I presume this happened anyway as I did not look back at the big monstrosity (the bridge, not Ewan). If this is The Fourth Road Bridge I wouldn't want to see the 1st, 2nd or, you having that? 1st, 2nd and 3rd beacuse it's the FOURTH road bridge. Cycling, you may have taken my will to live but you will never take, MY HUMOUR!!!!

We entered South Queensferry where we would have the luxury of the wonderful Ricky and Fiona's house (Ewans sister and brother in law, who's compilation cd's saw us through the late 90's and early 00's, I salute you sir).

We settled down and tucked into a marvelous chinese dinner. Here is Ewans...

...look at the joy on his face, cradling his child.

Another night of Olympics action followed, Ewan proudly sporting perhaps the greatest farmers tan ever to grace a human body.

Look out for the final installment of The Uber Challenge that will be bursting through your computer screen like an alien bursting from its hosts chest. Oh, and if you havn't yet sposored us what the hell is the matter with you? We are heroes, big manly heroes, so wrestle the bat sized moths of your wallet and get it done!

Remember you can sponsor us with My charity being The Erskine charity - go here to sponsor or text LLCI81 £5 (or whatever amount) to 70070 

and Ewans charity is Alzheimer Scotland - you can go here to sponsor: or text JGGO80 £5 (or whatever amount) to 70070  

Any sponsorship will be greatly appreciated.

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